April 8, 2010

My worst recipe ever

Shrimp Fritters aka Camarones fritos eu massa in Portuguese. I found the recipe in Elisabeth Luard's book European Peasant Cookery. Elizabeth Luard is a sweet woman and can probably make anything taste nice. I got it into my head that this recipe would be great if I made it with chick pea flour. There's a Provencal pancake called La Cade made with chick pea flour kind of like Panisse. Now I'm free associating. Panisse. Chez Panisse. Sounds great. Can't go wrong.

My husband is maddeningly slim but he can eat and eat and eat. Many a cat and dog has had to forgo table scraps for the G-Pup. He has a hollow leg. He couldn't finish any of it. My guys were holding their throats, gagging for milk, water anything.It was one of those meals where I actually had to take the food back into the kitchen. I think we had KD instead.

Another really terrible experiment was trying to recreate turkey stuffing as a savory bread pudding. We all love stuffing at Christmas and always want more. I tried seasoning bread with sage, onion, chicken bouillon and celery salt and topped it with egg, milk and cream. It was yucky. Too dry, it resembled one big burnt crouton. Again it was either KD or sandwiches that night.

What's your worst recipe ever?

Photo found at Imageshack.us

21 comments:

Brian Miller said...

lol. the kitchen is not where you want me, lets put it that way. smiles.

Diane said...

o my goodness
how hilarious
usually i can't blame it on the recipe, it is the cook

some blind substitution making things go horribly awry.

gravy is for some reason, the recipe I have that never turns out. Just can't get the knack. Last Sunday I had homemade Yorkshire puddings and not-so-great-gravy. Not sure if things evened out. Let's just say, there were no pudding left-overs. But lots of left-over gravy.

Hels said...

oh I hear you... sadly.

I was making a huge potato salad for a dinner party. So I took the cooked and diced potatoes from the freezer. Then I added:
-hard boiled eggs
-fresh parsley, chopped
-pickled cucumbers, chopped
-peas
-grated black pepper and
- freshly made mayo.

It looked and smelled fantastic, but the potatoes had gone to squishy sludge :( All 2.5 ks went into the rubbish bin :(

Mrsupole said...

Half of everything I cook is terrible, well at least when I am experimenting. And because I like to experiment when I do cook, then it is very sad for hubby and whoever else is around. It is probably best that I just buy things already prepared, then at least it is usually eaten.

As to what I make that tastes good. Well biscuits and gravy. I do make really good tacos and burritos. Actually simple things are about all I make that is good. Anything complicated and then I am back to experimenting and not always so good. One time I did make a really good Butternut Squash soup, but it probably was the Italian sausage that I put in it that made it taste so good.

I am always in awe of all of you that experiment and it turns out well, at least the majority of the time.

I am trying very hard to forget all of my bad cooking experiments. I would have to write a few dozen books if I tried to write about them all. But I am a decent cook when I follow the recipes, it is just that my mind gets to thinking......

God bless.

The Clever Pup said...

Hee hee. I hear you Diane. Gravy's not a strong point either. I cry when I make pastry. I've got all the right equipment. The perfect recipe thanks to Lucy Waverman. I keep everything cold but still the dough sticks or gets holes in it. I tried to make a meat pie once and my husband caught me freaking out which led to crying over my dough.

Poetikat said...

Another thing we have in common. Mine were potato pancakes and decided to add wholewheat flour - far too much it turned out. It was like eating a cardboard box!

Anytime we discuss recipes that went wrong, Kev always brings up the potato pancakes, but adds that I rarely mess up. (Thanks, Hon!)

Kat

P.S. In our house, I'm the one with the hollow leg.

Giulia said...

Non, non. Everything I do ees purrfect. (Disasters, I do not speak of them.) Do you mean like socca? The chickpea flour crepe thingy. In Nice area, esp? Miam-miam.

The Clever Pup said...

Hi Giulia,

What a clever cat you are. Yes like Socca. It was just too much for the little shrimp-ettes. I'm afraid I've turned the G-pup off all seafood.

You know, Giulia's mother, I'm a big site meter checker and whenever I get a message from you it comes from a suburb of Toronto. Are you closing in???

Giulia said...

Wow, you're kidding. Both computers are WDC-area designated. So unless it's routed through some server up there (why?), could it be coincidence?

Funny you should mention though, because I might be up there in cooler months for writer's thingy...but that remains to be seen/dunno. Anyway, today I've been online w/prelim scoping out of who/what/where, etc. in Toronto.

I check my Googley Analytics only once a week (at most) since I was creeped out by visitors to cat-girl's blog & the word searches.

RE: Seafood-phobia. If G-pup is put off all seafood, that would be a true shame; however, do not allow him to blame you for this unfortunate state of affairs. Prescription: my latest CD burn: Neil,The Band, Dylan, some music from Crazy Heart. And Bob Marley at the end.

G-pup can feel woeful, then uplifted, then oh man, then Yay. No, I've not been smoking anything & it has nothing to do with seafood. For this, I need more time in iTunes & I gotta go out between rain showers.

Well, mysteries can be very cool indeed. Don't let it bring you down. Man.

Oh & Giulia hates me. Seriously. It's Drama City down here.

ciao-meow-miam

The Clever Pup said...

See - it happened again. Mississauga Ontario. You're being routed through Rogers. Who knows...

Giulia said...

I was just going to ask you if it happened. Rogers? Is that a 'burb?

Will check back later.

The Clever Pup said...

Rogers is a cable company like Verizon

lechat said...

pulp, I never fail a recipe except < The Joy of Cooking >. For unknown reason, it never turns out. So the book was long gone to neighbourhood store. Good luck to the next person who get it. I just finish my creme Brulée tonight. It was so gooddddddddddd. le chat

The Clever Pup said...

Le chat - I love it when you call me Pulp.

As for the cooking - I want to come and live at your house.

Giulia said...

A bit wild over here, non? Giulia is jealous of this le chat personne (chat?) :)

OK, back to redesigning her new Twit page...yes, GG will be tweeting more in future. Had to happen: it's bringing in hits for our little ngo that can.

ciao-meow

Anonymous said...

my gran used to call it "a cold shape" and once I made it: blancmange. and I never heard the end of it from my children who to this day remember it! and they are in their 40's!

lechat said...

Pulp, out of respect for my French Grandmother and my Japanese-Manchurian mother, can't help it, mother's tongue. le chat

Laura in Paris said...

Doesn't look bad though .. are you sure it was really really bad?

amourissima said...

When I was a wee-wee lass I tried to make pasta all on my own. First mistake- putting the pasta in warm water on the stove before turning it on cook- while I made the sauce. I made the sauce then turn the pasta on to cook about a half hour later (while it has been soaking in warm water) and it ended up being the same consistency as melted parmesan cheese but with none of the taste. It was SICK! Food wasn't to go to waste so we all ate it anyway- ewwww...

Another time I had tried to use a hand mixed to mash potatoes ( I usually use a ricer but was told this was much easier) and THAT didn't go well at all- it almost liquefied them that they were even fit to go on top of Sheppard’s Pie. GROSS!!!! That ended up being like glue. Bletch!

corine said...

I'd eat that.

So funny! You give me an idea for a post.

dogimo said...

Aw, Pup! You should still have posted the recipe.